thankful

i am up alone as usual...watching one of my favorite movies of all times (Goodfellas - but i'm not endorsing it)...and contemplating....my thankfulness.
we drove home from SC today. We had a nice Thanksgiving with my Mom, Dad & Sisters & their families....minus our 7-layered salad (inside joke with the family!).
i am sitting here thinking about the question i heard several times this week..."what are you thankful for?" - even my Elizabeth asked me...of course the expected & anticipated answer is...."my family" or "you" (to the asker)....but seriously...what am i deep down thankful for....

i'm thankful that i'm loved. that's the prominent thought in my head. i'm thankful that i'm loved....by a heavenly father...whose arms are so long i cant out run their reach, by a man who puts me first & never lets me down in the important things, by my children who love me with a smile & a whisper that can never be replaced by money or fame and love me....just like God....just as i am, and this may sound so silly, but my dogs love me....the wag of their tails & the lick of the tongues tell me how much. i'm thankful also for friends who accept me as i am and encouragement to be a better person.
i'm thankful for a mom, dad, & sisters who have loved me through the years & though we are not perfect...we have a common bond...common memories...we are family.
yes, i'm thankful i am loved.

calpurnia & the 3 best smells!

this is calpurnia, our new yorkie...Well not our..but mine! she is so darling. she is 10 weeks old and so sweet. the kids adore her as do i.
there are 3 smells (in my opinion) to which nothing compares: the smell of a baby's head, puppy breathe, and the smell of your man's neck. well she has puppy breathe...i get to smell my baby esther's head.... and on occasion i'm in the mood to smell my man's neck! life couldn't get any better. have a good weekend.

october 31st, 2009

Rachel, 14 - Batgirl

Elizabeth, 10 - Wonderwoman

Abigial, 4 - Pink Super Girl

David Asher, 2 3/4 - Batman

Baby Esther Adlai, 6 mths 3 wks - skunk

what beautiful babies...if i must say so myself...and i do!!! my life...in a picture....you are looking at my immortality...i love them all so much...they bring meaning and fulfillment to my life..Thank you God!

i will have to post a picture after her belting ceremony but my rachel is now a black belt in karate....Chutoku Ryu Karate...It contains elements of traditional Okinawan Kempo and Shorin Ryu Karate, Japanese Judo and Jujitsu, Korean Tae Kwon Do, and American Boxing, as well as a variety of traditional weapons.
did you get all that? i'm amazed at her. i dont have pictures on the particular computer i am using tonight so i will have to post them later. i have some video footaget that is awesome. she's an awesome girl. she worked hard for this belt & i am so thankful to Jesus that He pulled her through and taught her that she is capable...by the very fact that she did it...no one else did it for her...she worked for it.
i keep considering taking lessons but there is a time factor & a "i'm still nursing a baby" factor. so i guess it will wait..but i do think it would help me tone up & lose weight. they are starting a new class...more of a mixed martial arts thing that is more along the lines of weight loss. who knows. one day....
the other kids are doing well. Elizabeth is struggling with piano. that darned ole' short term memory loss gets her every time. she has to work so hard to lock things into her long term memory. thankfully her teacher understands the seriousness of teaching elizabeth correctly & making sure she understands correctly before moving on so she can work on locking whatever it is into the long term memory. she has to retrain her brain constantly. but she works hard. she is diligent.
abigail...well she is so helpful and smart. i thank God every day for her. she is such a fulfillment of promise. She is 4 1/2 years old. she makes her own bed & cleans her own room...without prompting on most days lately & quite frankly she does as good a job as her 10 year old or 14 year old sisters would do. i can honestly say i am always astounded at her...she has an iniate ability to read people...to judge the mood in the room & work with it. she is a kind child with an encouraging spirit.. she never fails to tell elizabeth..."great job" or tell me "i love you" or "thank you." i will say this though..her fuse is short & she does not suffer foolishness or fools when they get in her way and cause any sort of havoc in her life. i really like that about her.
asher - he is so much a boy..he breaks my heart on a daily basis. he is such a little manchild. he's so masculine. he walks around with the car "lightening mcqeen" in his little hot sweaty hand 99% of the time...even in his sleep. he is spiderman most days...when you ask him who he is anyway...he will tell you "spiderman". and he is very affectionate and loving. he is always willing to share a snack & a smile.
and then my little Esther - well she is 6 months old and doing the GI Joe crawl across the floor. she babbles...and i was just saying to her father...a smile from her is worth the world to me. she has developed a temper though...she gets so angry when she is sleepy. she doesnt suffer foolishness either i guess. we will see who she develops into...i cant wait.
God has truly blessed me... such a responsibility and a privelege to have these special people in my life.. i am humbled.

SNL season premiere!!

i'm very excited about the new season of SNL...but really i hope it wont be too much to swallow. if it is can shut it off and go to bed. they can be funny but they can also go over the line. i read somewhere that they fired a girl from last year because she didnt lose weight. i think it was because she wasnt funny. i dont know her name, but just her face.

so i'm really dealing with some things....i am tired of holding back.. i feel like i do that constantly. i mean i realize why i hold back but i'm tired of it. it's draining. but i really dont have a choice. i would be miserable otherwise. (i'm not insane..just thinking outloud....well thinking while blogging!)

i prayed with rachel tonight. i really feel so inadequate. i'm making her really study Joshua 29. God has plans for her...she has to be open to them. it's so hard.

ooohhhhh it's raining. i love the rain. it makes everything shiny and clean. fresh. there's a lesson in there somewhere. i had a conversation with someone this week about sin nature. and yes i realize we are born with it. but then i hear the rain & i can see everything glisten and sparkle afterwards...and smell so good after a good soaking and think....wow....we are blessed in our sin nature huh!

someone told me about 2 weeks ago that "Jesus judged the heart not the actions of man." i pray that to be true for myself. i've been mulling that over since he said that to me.

my heart is for my children to know God. beyond that....well...what else is there for me?

ok, i'm not sure why i'm saying this or jumping all over. just talking.

it's quiet here. everyone is in bed.

my oldest niece, Olivia, will be 18 years old tomorrow. Happy Birthday Olivia!

my oldest child will be 18 in 4 years. time just flies by. it's amazing. i wonder how much time was in the day before God set darkness & light apart? how does that work...no clock...? no time.... can you imagine?

ramblings

its been a rough couple of days. sickness in the house. no fun. school is lagging. it's been raining. i'm cycling so i'm tired a lot. i put the baby in her big girl crib. she's only 5 1/2 months old. how did that happen? well she's almost 6 months (on the 6th of Oct.) but man,,,it flew by. she's so precious. quite frankly they all are. they grow up way to fast. all of them.

i'm trying to do a quilt for my mother for christmas...one with all of the family pictures on it. i'm just waiting on Christi's pictures (that's my youngest sister). i guess i can start cutting out pieces. i have 3 months. i would really like to give it to her at thanksgiving if we are going down for thanksgiving (which we are). anyway....abby has been learning bible verses and she is doing so well. she has memorized Acts 16:31 "believe on the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved - you and your household.". that has really been rolling around in my brain. its definitely a promise huh?!

also i have had to help rachel talk through her black belt paper. she has to write a 2 page paper. well she has to discuss her faith. they are staunchly baptist at the dojo. they believe that salvation is a gift (yes) and that if you accept that gift you cant just lose it or rather backslide. like if you accept that gift you can never reject it. and you cant lose your salvation because it's not yours anyway...it's God's gift. i dont want to misrepresent their teachings. i dont think you gain salvation until your physical death anyway...... it's just such a hard thing....teaching the kids why we believe what we believe. plus i dont really want rachel to have to worry about the "what ifs" ..i just want her to live it. you know? but i would be lying if i said i didnt consider the "what ifs" so how can i expect her to not?

it's been a long week only to make for a long weekend.

i guess i should go to bed. i need to take the baby for pictures tomorrow. i just might! she's so cute. i need to do them all together & then all seperately. that would cost an arm & a leg. maybe i will just dress them up and take them outside if the weather is nice tomorrow. that will be fun....NOT! but it does need to be done.

so my birthday is coming up. i absolutely hate it....i know what i want....but i hate wanting what i want because i will just be disappointed so what is the point of wanting? it's been like that forever & will always be. i just cant figure out why my birthday desires are never really important but everyone else's is? i make sure of that. whatever. i'm having a pity party...i'm sure the cycle isnt helping. i just want to forget the birthday though. i have to put on the fake smile and be happy! oh yeah for me...a book! well i do like books. a lot. like i like sharpies...... and ticondaroga pencils. so i wont complain about books.

i'm fat also. clay has no problem pointing that out..in a very not appreciated way. he thinks it's funny. it's not funny. it's not like i say to him..hey get a tan & tone up flabby. i realize i need to lose weight. i dont need him pointing it out all the time..everytime i eat....everytime i think to get a snack. whatever. i think i'm working myself up into a worse mood then i already am! yikes. that could be bad for everyone tomorrow.

and about tomorrow...yet again i will be home with the kids alone...all on me. i think i'm a single parent. i dont want to be a single parent. i want to sleep late tomorrow. fat chance. but i did want the kids. so i guess i will sleep late when they are gone and that makes me sad. i never want them to leave. i love them so much...all of them. i need to let elizabeth do something special tomorrow...like help cook or get the girls sewing machine down and let her make something easy like a pillow case. something. she gets so bored and she is so helpful. i'm letting rachel rest as much as she can this week to hopefully get back to 100% by Monday. and of course the 3 little ones...well they do their own thing. i might get abby to do school tomorrow. she will like that.

ok...i guess i'm done rambling.....oh i thought about taking them to the beach to get a jar of beach water and then we will bring it back and look at it under the microscope. scary huh. oh i want to do that with sperm also. i know...too much info but i want to see if you can see the little guys swimming...seriously....what a lesson in human anatomy...but i just want to see out of curiousity. whatever. it wont happen.

Labor Day

we were watching the National Geographic Channel and there was a program on about the Vietnam War. i am constantly amazed at how the demeanor or the tone of the speaker is always so somber when speaking about that war. now i get why that is but i dont look at that war as a blight on our soldiers.... i look at it as a condemnation of our politicians. that war was fought or tried to be fought by the politicians here at home. our men on the front lines had to put up with their bad decisions. if the armed forces had been allowed to go into the enemies' camp then there would have been a better resolution i believe.

i am starting to be afraid that we are involved in another "vietnam" with afghanistan & iraq. it's really sad to me - our men fighting...boys really...in a lot of aspects. i do know that most of the "men" who fought in vietnam were boys...like just out of high school boys. can you even imagine?

so as we get ready to celebrate another holiday...labor day.... i am thankful for the men & women who serve in our Armed Forces and as of today continue to provide America with her blanket of freedom.

anyway, here is a picture from vietnam that i have from a friend. & the other is a picture of a friend of ours who is serving now. both are or have been called at one time in their lives... United States Marine.

he had just jumped out of an Airplane.

our friend is in the back row...2nd from the right..he was in Iraq when this picture was taken.

my mom, dad & sisters

this is all of us. the vacation in Charleston this year was fun. That's my folks & my three sisters. the pictures were a good idea. i love my family.

Happy 4th of July!!!! (a little late)
Look how beautiful all of my babies are! God bless this country & God bless my babies!

"God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent; Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?" Numbers 23:19

i like it!

life moves on & quickly too

summer - from all signs in the stores - is almost over! but i keep telling myself we havent even been in summer for a full month. not until the 20th of July. why are we rushing it? well i'm not rushing it - but i feel like i'm being made to rush it. by crap, the tomatoes are still not putting our well & i havent gotten one good watermelon yet - so dont tell me summer is almost over. i think what gets me is the school supplies that are out already at the stores. i have to stay away or i will spend way to much money on new markers, crayons & sharpies. i have issues. but then again, dont we all.
my mind reels constantly. the state of the nation - the government take over of everything. but of the healthcare system - that frightens me - really bad. my kids growing up way to fast. i'm missing too much. i just know it. my mother having a bout in the hospital because she got the wrong blood pressure medicine. the thought of losing my mother or father. i cant handle it. paying the bills. being a good person. making it to heaven. the canteloupes not going bad. losing weight. making sure my chickens dont die. helping elizabeth not have abandonment issues. helping abby have self control. having rachel not flounder in her life decisions - knowing where she should go in life. asher being a man. esther surviving the "loving" she recieves when i turn my back! .....so many other things i'm not even mentioning.
ok well i will have to finish this rant later. asher is screaming in his bed. i love him so much. "no teef, just lips!"

Georgia Night

Georgia Night 1993-2009

She was a faithful dog. She was a standard of what a dog should be.
She will be missed.

Today was one of the worst days we have ever had. To put down our faithful companion....well we feel lost about now. We know life goes on and that we will feel better before too long, but right now we are broken.

Georgia....we love you. Sleep well old girl.

not a christian nation???

did you know that the USA is no longer considered a Christian nation? at least the new president doesnt think so as he isnt having a "national day of prayer" at the white house this year. we are just a "regular" nation. when did that happen? ummm, i guess the day mccain lost the election. how did so many people get blinded by this man? and we also have a vice president telling israel that they need to get use to the idea of a palestinian state. do they think the new prime minister of israel will agree? whoa to the USA when we turn our backs on israel. i'm so ashamed of the government and leadership in this country and we only have ourselves to blame. my poor children.

anyway, heres a cute picture of elizabeth - who did not take her medicine today. man she about drove me nuts, but she is a beautiful girl!

David Asher

needless to say, David Asher is not wanting to give up his spot as "the baby". he is constantly getting in the bassinet, taking the baby's pacifer, sitting in her carseat/bouncy seat. He wants to "try milkie" (meaning nurse -but i cured him of that by offering it once & he tried it & said no thank you). i can deal with holding him & reassuring him. i want him to realize he will always be "my baby" - just not the youngest. he is so darn cute!!!

i bet if batman had of been as cute as David Asher he wouldnt have worn a mask!

Esther Adlai

well it's been a busy new year. the baby finally got here!! she is precious. she is beautiful. i'm madly in love. i would do this (this being go through surgery) over & over again if the results are that i am blessed with the most wonderful babies ever. it is such a privilege to be a mother. it is such a privilege to raise children. i'm so blessed (and way tired).

Esther - barely 24 hours old.

Sweet Baby Esther feet.

Esther @ 2 weeks.

a new year .... what will it bring?

well in light of the just recent inauguration, well i'm not optimistic. but that's ok. i am realistic that politicians will be just that... politicians - much to a lot of americans' dismay.

and i am very realistic about the fact that this baby will get here and i will not be pregnant! i know i should enjoy the moment, but man, the moment is fast losing it's appeal. i just want to hold my little girl.

asher just turned 2 and now he says "why? cuz!"

abby grace is demanding a chihuahua.

elizabeth is asked me if asher's penis sings.

and rachel - what can i say but she is a big help to me. she is growing up. maturing and turning into a young lady in every sense of the word and she is sharing everything about herself turning into that young woman with me & i mean EVERYTHING!