ramblings

its been a rough couple of days. sickness in the house. no fun. school is lagging. it's been raining. i'm cycling so i'm tired a lot. i put the baby in her big girl crib. she's only 5 1/2 months old. how did that happen? well she's almost 6 months (on the 6th of Oct.) but man,,,it flew by. she's so precious. quite frankly they all are. they grow up way to fast. all of them.

i'm trying to do a quilt for my mother for christmas...one with all of the family pictures on it. i'm just waiting on Christi's pictures (that's my youngest sister). i guess i can start cutting out pieces. i have 3 months. i would really like to give it to her at thanksgiving if we are going down for thanksgiving (which we are). anyway....abby has been learning bible verses and she is doing so well. she has memorized Acts 16:31 "believe on the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved - you and your household.". that has really been rolling around in my brain. its definitely a promise huh?!

also i have had to help rachel talk through her black belt paper. she has to write a 2 page paper. well she has to discuss her faith. they are staunchly baptist at the dojo. they believe that salvation is a gift (yes) and that if you accept that gift you cant just lose it or rather backslide. like if you accept that gift you can never reject it. and you cant lose your salvation because it's not yours anyway...it's God's gift. i dont want to misrepresent their teachings. i dont think you gain salvation until your physical death anyway...... it's just such a hard thing....teaching the kids why we believe what we believe. plus i dont really want rachel to have to worry about the "what ifs" ..i just want her to live it. you know? but i would be lying if i said i didnt consider the "what ifs" so how can i expect her to not?

it's been a long week only to make for a long weekend.

i guess i should go to bed. i need to take the baby for pictures tomorrow. i just might! she's so cute. i need to do them all together & then all seperately. that would cost an arm & a leg. maybe i will just dress them up and take them outside if the weather is nice tomorrow. that will be fun....NOT! but it does need to be done.

so my birthday is coming up. i absolutely hate it....i know what i want....but i hate wanting what i want because i will just be disappointed so what is the point of wanting? it's been like that forever & will always be. i just cant figure out why my birthday desires are never really important but everyone else's is? i make sure of that. whatever. i'm having a pity party...i'm sure the cycle isnt helping. i just want to forget the birthday though. i have to put on the fake smile and be happy! oh yeah for me...a book! well i do like books. a lot. like i like sharpies...... and ticondaroga pencils. so i wont complain about books.

i'm fat also. clay has no problem pointing that out..in a very not appreciated way. he thinks it's funny. it's not funny. it's not like i say to him..hey get a tan & tone up flabby. i realize i need to lose weight. i dont need him pointing it out all the time..everytime i eat....everytime i think to get a snack. whatever. i think i'm working myself up into a worse mood then i already am! yikes. that could be bad for everyone tomorrow.

and about tomorrow...yet again i will be home with the kids alone...all on me. i think i'm a single parent. i dont want to be a single parent. i want to sleep late tomorrow. fat chance. but i did want the kids. so i guess i will sleep late when they are gone and that makes me sad. i never want them to leave. i love them so much...all of them. i need to let elizabeth do something special tomorrow...like help cook or get the girls sewing machine down and let her make something easy like a pillow case. something. she gets so bored and she is so helpful. i'm letting rachel rest as much as she can this week to hopefully get back to 100% by Monday. and of course the 3 little ones...well they do their own thing. i might get abby to do school tomorrow. she will like that.

ok...i guess i'm done rambling.....oh i thought about taking them to the beach to get a jar of beach water and then we will bring it back and look at it under the microscope. scary huh. oh i want to do that with sperm also. i know...too much info but i want to see if you can see the little guys swimming...seriously....what a lesson in human anatomy...but i just want to see out of curiousity. whatever. it wont happen.