it's not ok

why do i say that? "it's ok."
especially when inside i am crying and saying
"it's not ok..i should matter to you enough....."
maybe i'm just way hormonal still. it's only been 3 1/2 weeks.
i'm sick with bronchitis/asthma. my incision inside hurts worse than it did after surgery just from all of the coughing. i only got 3 hours of sleep if that last night because Levi couldnt get comfortable. he is still a lazy eater. i have to work for an hour at a time to get him to get full. but i know this will pass.

anyway, the christmas tree is up. the kids are excited. Asher wants to know when the presents will be under the tree. he said he is ready to rip open all the presents. needless to say the presents wont be out until christmas day.

i really dont have that much to be unhappy about with this little guy, here, healthy, & perfect. unfortunately my heart is just heavy. it's just the season mixed with the emotions. but again this will pass.