Monday, August 25, 2008


well i am up reminiscing. i'm hot and tired and sick to my stomach all rolled into one. it is going to be a loooooooooong pregnancy. i really dont want to be a whinner but...... i cant be anyone different then i am.

but since i was up i thought i would blog a bit. and i decided to look through the pictures on this computer. and i found this little doozy. this was about a year ago and it was taken with my cell phone but it is still so precious to me.

this is a picture of david asher right before halloween last year. he's wearing an ariel, the little mermaid, wig. i need to find the ones of when i forced abby into it. she wanted to be ariel but she didnt want to wear the costume or the accessories. but the boy didnt mind the wig at all! he is so great. i hope so much that i get another boy. but a girl would be good too. but i think i want another boy more. but then i think i like david asher being the only boy. ok, i just want a healthy baby!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

interesting news

well by now more people then i wanted to know - know that i'm pregnant with my 5th child. or 5th & 6th depending on what the next few ultrasounds say. i'm not holding my breath on the twins dream though! i hate letting people into my world. when people get let in they feel like they get to comment and make jokes or like they get to express their opinion on the state of my life.
i also feel like when i let people in i lose control of what is going on. then i have to consider everyone else with my decisions. i'm not sure i'm making sense but i guess i feel like this is my baby and i get to make the decisions concerning the baby and myself. i dont want anyone to bother me or especially touch me. why do people feel like they have the right to touch a pregnant woman's belly? i hate that. i barely touch it myself!
my children are excited. abby grace keeps saying "it will be a white baby boy" - like there is an option. well between a boy or a girl. i'm thinking the baby will be a girl but either way it will be really cool.
these are the names i've picked out:

Luther Jeremiah for a boy.
Esther Adlai or Esther Isabelle for a girl.

and that's another thing - people get to comment on the names i've picked out. it's my baby. i get to name the baby. i dont care if my girl friend doesnt like esther. i do.

i just want everything to go well. i want a healthy baby.

i dread church on Sunday. oh it's a big joke, me being pregnant with my 5th baby, you know, no TV and all. i hate that. i hate being anyone's joke.

anyway, there's my little vent. i'm happy about the baby. i'm not happy about how sick i am or the decisions i need to make concerning permanent birth control - but that decision has to be made with my diabetes. i'm not happy about the constant, day to day worry. and not to sound so centered on me - i'm way worried about everyone involved dealing with this pregnancy. meaning the kids getting through all of the doctor's appt. and me being gone a lot and for longer and longer periods of time towards the end, the daddy getting through having another kid!...but we will get through. no doubt. and the end result will be precious.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


man i have major tiredness seeping into my bones. i am barely functioning with how tired i am. i am sitting here typing but watching the 2 little ones - 1 is watching handy manny sucking her thumb, the other is running around with the dogs feeding them his sister's angelina ballerina dolls. nice huh? and i have no energy to do anything about it.
i guess i didnt sleep well. i dreamt last night that i had a bi-racial baby. and of course i couldnt figure out how to explain it. oh well. dreams are crazy aren't they. and i woke up and felt like i hadnt of slept at all.
i had to take the 2 older girls to VBS with friends from Karate. before they left we watched a video that rachel took on her little camera of what they were doing last night when we had friends over for supper. well it looks as if the 12 year old girl was riding abby's butterscotch horse and in all of the excitment of the moment elizabeth did a round house kick to the horse's head. we werent thrilled with it but we just commented on the kick - but it really wasnt a big deal because they were all laughing and playing. well elizabeth totally denied kicking the horse. it was so surreal watching her. we saw her do it on the video and she was saying that the video was wrong. isnt that wild? it reminded me of bill clinton saying "i did not have sex with that woman". so what do you call what he did with that woman? anyway elizabeth tried and tried to talk around it and she was so tearful. i finally said "i want to hear you say 'i kicked the horse', 'i did it'." and she did say it. i hate "making" her own up to something when i shouldnt have had to but i can not allow her to "believe the lie". it really wasnt a big deal about her kicking the horse and i am really really trying to pick my battles with elizabeth but man the lies are killing me. it seems that lying is a way of life for her and i hate that for her. and what was amazing is we all watched the video together. i swear i thought she had lost her mind. but once i made her admit it and told her to get over her attitude and dry up her tears because i did not have sympathy for her when she made a big deal out of it she seemed to buck up and be fine.
my sweet elizabeth. i love her so much. i wish she trusted me better.

ok, well i need to go save the boy from the dog. he has cookies and the dog is chasing him down. i love my babies and their relationship with their dog!

Friday, August 1, 2008

my heart

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

i borrowed this from my friend's blog who just had a baby on July 27th. i am struck by how true this qoute is.

my girl & big poops

ok, so this is probably gross to most people, but you have to realize what a feat this is for miss abby grace. she is so proud of her big poops. she makes us look at them and analyze them. it is really funny. she has major issues with pottying consistently so when she wants or rather needs me to make a big deal out of her pottying skills - well i do because i really need her to be solidly potty trained. i want new furniture. anyway, the other day she was showing clay her "big poop" and he flushed it before i was given a chance to "ooh" and "aah" over it so i promised abby grace if she pooped another big one then i would take a picture. boy she liked that idea. well guess what? she pooped another big poop. the girl can poop man sized poops. no kidding. so she said (and i am not exaggerating or adding to her words) "mommy, get your caaammmmmmmmeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" she said it in a singsong voice and she drew out the last word. so i went in with the camera and i wiped her and took a picture of the poop and then with her standing beside her poop.
ok, if you know abby then you have to realize how hilarious this is. she comes up with so much wild things and her memory is like a steel trap. she does not forget so she didnt forget my promise of taking a picture and she held me too it. i believe she has been just waiting to call me on my promise just to see if i would actually take a picture of her poop. i couldnt disappoint her could i? no way.
so here is abby grace with her poop. if you are squeamish, dont look to the right of the screen as the poop is there in the bowl. but look at her face. man she is pleased with herself. she is the coolest kid i know. and i love her so much. if she wants me to take pictures of her poop - so be it. one day she wont need me and that thought makes me want to do whatever she needs or wants me to do for her right now because in the big scheme of things "what's a little poop?" if she knows in her heart that her mommy loves her and thinks she is the coolest little girl ever. that goes a long way you know?!