Thursday, January 13, 2011

little late in mentioning....

so Asher had a birthday on Sunday. he is all of 4 years old now but he keeps telling everyone he is just 3 years old. he also started karate. he is wild about that. before i am done i will try to link a video from youtube on here to see him in action!
i just cant believe how fast children grow up. over night it seems. Levi is actually 2 months old today. 2 MONTHS!!! where did 2 months go? but goodness where did the 9 months of pregnancy go? (well the 8 months in his case). when i was a child i longed to be older. i longed to be my own person in charge of my own self. i thought it would just be so wonderful. now dont get me wrong...i indeed do enjoy being in charge of my ownself but i did not realize how fleeting it all was. when i was a kid time crawled...took forever to move...but now...time zooms by at the speed of light..or something like that.
there is so much going on & so much on my mind. my sister christi is in the hospital. she is possibly having surgery tomorrow to repair her small intestines or her colon..i'm not sure which. or it could be her bowels. again, i'm not sure. she has been in the hospital since about midnight on Saturday/Sunday. my sister Renee told me when she called to wish Asher a happy birthday. i was shocked. it seems my sister Christi cant seem to get a break in regards to her physical well being these days. i am praying she doesnt need surgery.

i have been in the mood to write lately but i am usually too tired to actually apply myself to the task. i have 3 books sitting beside me right now that i want to read - i did start one. that doesnt include the other 10 - 15 books i have that i have read bits & pieces of and want to finish. i have knitting i want to finish. sewing i need to do (rachel has pants she has been waiting for me to hem forever). but i am exhausted all the time because i do try to keep busy - with the kids & their needs. i do try to keep the children on their schedules of school, karate, piano, co-op, church...etc.
i keep having people tell me that i "just had a baby" and i need to still take it easy. but i didnt. he is 2 months old. but everyone keeps telling me i am pushing myself or not cutting myself slack. i guess i'm afraid to cut myself slack. i am afraid to stop...i might lose my mind if i do. i can feel the depression creeping in on me. the busier i am & the more tired i am then i dont have to think.....

i like the line in the song "O How He Loves Us" by Kim Walker or David Crowder...whichever version you like best...but it goes something like "i dont have time to maintain these regrets when i think about how He loves us". i should say that i am NOT maintaining regrets..i am not....i am not a person to "regret" things. i live life..make choices..move on. but i will say this...i long for a difference. i long for different choices. i'm also thankful for God's love - regardless.

i'm sure i am not making sense. i realize that. it's late.

this was Asher at Christmas in 2008. 2 years ago roughly.

Asher this Christmas in 2010. still the cutest boy i know. i am still madly in love with this kid. i was just telling someone no woman will ever love him like i do. it breaks this mom's heart to know he will grow up to love another woman...but it also makes me proud as i want him to be a good man, husband, father...i hope i am helping him achieve those things down the road in his life. my special boy.

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