Tuesday, September 13, 2011


i have been sick. more sick than i have been in a long time. it doesnt help that i am coming off of an anti-depressant that i have been taking for 4 months. i started with a sore throat on Wednesday night. i should have medicated myself then but i waited until Thursday morning & by then, well it was done....i was sick. It happens within hours with me. I was already in full blown asthma/bronchitis mode by noon on Thursday. on Friday i gave myself a breathing treatment & ended up having an anxiety attack. to the point that Clay called 911 & the paramedics came & made sure i wasnt having a heart attack - which i thought i was. i have never had an anxiety attack - ever. i do believe the asthma meds in conjunction with the cymbalta (anti-depressant/arthritis) medication that i have been taking caused the anxiety attack. i saw my doctor on Monday & they said that yes, that can be a reaction with the meds together. they said i had created a "perfect storm" with the illness & meds. i was taking cymbalta, vitamins, advil cold & sinus, advair, albuterol, & pulmicort. i think there was something else but i dont know.
anyway i stopped the cymbalta. i do not every want to suffer another anxiety attack. that was horrible. plus i'm hoping that since levi is now 10 months old (yes i could cry rivers over that) that i will get more sleep & not need the anti-depressants. i do still feel overwhelmed. i'm not a generally happy person. there is so much to do, so much i want to do......and not enough time to do it. i feel overwhelmed. i feel lacking. i feel as if i'm juggling & a lot of the balls are hitting the ground.
on top of taking the cymbalta out of my system, i am now suffering the withdrawals from that medicine & suffering a vicious case of vertigo. so i havent been driving or going anywhere. our schedule is a mess right now. school is backed up. we have missed so much. i feel bad for the little kids. i feel bad for my big girls. it's just a mess. when mom is sick and down, everything is out of whack & it's out of whack here. i feel bad for my dogs even. they arent even on a normal schedule.
anyway, on a good note, we are getting new carpet. i'm excited about that. we are also going to order - after the carpet is installed, a new king sized sleep number bed. my arthritis is so bad now & we need a bed that is going to help. and the king size is one i have been begging for. i always have a kid in bed with me at one point or another sooooo it will be good. an always in the morning, i end up with all of the kids in the bed & a couple of dogs. or in the evening watching tv, all of the kids & a few dogs - come back with me & we watch something. where mom is...that's where the action is - in this house. i may not have a lot of influence outside of my house, but i do inside this house. my kids & my dogs love me. makes me feel needed & wanted. i love my children & my dogs! i have a good life.
also we are looking for a new loveseat for our living room. we have had the old brown one forever & it needs to be replaced badly. there is a red leather couch at clays' work i am trying to get him to snag. we will see. it's old & awesome.
also, we decided to sell the old mustang. clay's never going to use it. i dont want the kids to use it as it has too much power. so we are going to sell it for what we can get out of it. then i am going to move my upstairs "craft/book" room downstairs to that space in the garage. i am going to try my best to make it a room. if that makes sense. that way we can move my little girls upstairs, the boys to the little girls' room downstairs & elizabeth will move to the boys' room. she & rachel will have their own rooms. i think they are at the age they need their own rooms badly. they will be happy.
anyway, i'm rambling. my head hurts. i'm coughing. i am having to constantly correct mistakes because of my shaking hands so i'm going to sign off. i'm going to leave you all with a picture of our lone chick. abigail named him "cutie". her other chicken "chipmunk" drowned herself in the ducks pond so we gave her this one. this one is very tame...imprinted on us. very cool.
also i was suppose to be going to visit my family in SC for my parent's 45th wedding anniversary this weekend but that is now canceled. it would be foolish to even try with how sick i am. i am trying to downplay how sick i am because i dont want people to worry, but i can honestly say i dont remember feeling this bad in a very long time. i guess with the comination of so much...it feels worse than before. it's also an indication of how old i have gotten...the asthma, arthritis, depression, vertigo,...so obvious i'm old. i'm literally a mess so please pray for my family & me.

here's rachel & cutie:

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