esther

so esther doesnt want to sleep in her bed anymore. she, lately, has fallen asleep on my bed, or on the floor out by the couch while i was using the computer, etc. she just wont go to sleep in her bed right now. it's a stage. it will pass. for now we are enjoying her. well i should say, for now i will enjoy her. she is majorly a clingy mama's girl at bedtime. i'm hoping we can get her through this before the baby gets here. (yes i'm already looking into that). the last few times has been really hard. abigail & asher took it hard when esther was born & abigail, asher, & esther were all miserable while i was in the hospital having levi. its going to be difficult period, but we need to find a way to deal with their anxiety at not having mom home. they are not use to that. i have only left any of them (except rachel elizabeth who travel regularly with clay) at night to just go have babies. no other times. and the older i get and the more i learn and believe...i think that's a good thing....that i dont leave them. they are my children. my babies. they shouldnt be sent off to feel insecure - even if they think it will be fun at the onset of a spend the night away. i think abigail is getting to the age where she would do better for an extended period of time away from mom & i'm talking like 2 days max. but the other ones....no way. it's not suppose to be that way. i'm not saying that they, on occasion, shouldnt be at home without mom & dad - if we go off on a mini trip. but they need to be at home with each other & not shipped off to stay away at other's homes. and we have had to do that - send them off for a night...but it's always worse when they get home...the clinginess & insecurity. as for clay & i taking mini-trips. that generally does not happen. he works too hard & just doesnt find time to do it. and i'm a bit of a homebody. i like my house. i like my kids. i like my animals. i like my stuff around me. for now.

so i have been looking into these homeopathic remedies to help aid sleep & suppress anxiety in little children for short periods of time: (i was turned on to them off of a blog i read so i didnt come up with this by myself - i even borrowed her picture: http://bakersdozenandapolloxiv.com/ ). anyway, at this point, clay is open to any help considering he has lived it the last few times. i even left the hospital a day early with esther's delivery, when i was close to cardiac arrest because of a belly bleed - against my doctor's better judgement - because abigail & asher were miserable -which in turn made Clay miserable. and considering we dont usually have help during my hospital stays, Clay & the 2 older girls go it alone with the little ones. and this time around wont be any different. and my recovery time here at home we are planning something a bit different. possibly paying for help to come in. we are throwing around ideas. my mother has come up with 3 out of the last 4 deliveries to help here at home with my recovery. she works & is a vital part of her company so it is hard for her to be gone for extended periods of time. plus, she is so much like Clay in that if she leaves then things get done wrong & she has to fix them when she gets back & it just makes more work for her. plus my dad relies on her a lot. if she isnt there to feed him, he doesnt eat well. so i dont think that will be an option this time around. i would rather she & my dad come up for a visit together to see the baby & the kids rather than she feel like we just want her to come up and work. so anyway, time will tell. we will see. plus Clay & I will do what we have to - we always do. being 6-9 hours away from family - we always have. this is our family & our children. our responsibility.
anyway, here is a picture of the 2 items i am going to look into for the kids. might get it & try it to see if it works. especially with esther's lack of sleep lately.

here esther is last night in my bed. she's so crazy but in a good way! love this wild girl!